How to Install a Bathroom

My Eccentric Friend


How to install a new bathroom: cover all floors with cardboard; spread your economically thin dust-sheet on top; tell the woman of the house that it will make a mess; make sure it is a big mess, she is paying a lot of money; find the longest route through the house; tread carefully, your boots are for building-sites not hardwood floors in Newton Mearns; do not spin round on your heels; that interesting circular pattern was not there before; yes it is unique, no, her neighbours will not be envious; wear a mask when you smash the walls, she is concerned for your lungs; do not call her dear or missus; do not let her dog, cat, rabbit, run out through the gate you left open; block the top and bottom of the doors to stop the dust spreading; if you have to stick your hands down the pan, wash them; yes…

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